Preposition Use

There are virtual tours, information on engineering and their capabilities, and contact information.   

The problem: information isn’t on something, it’s about something.

Excess Use of Qualifiers

… so customers can at least place an order.  

The problem: this phrase uses a qualifier that, at least, that is not needed.  A better structure would be “so customers can place an order.”

Plural versus Singular

Midwest Metals rely on quality assurance and excellent customer service to provide their customers with the satisfaction they seek

The Problem: The plural form of the intransitive verb “rely” is used rather than “relies.”   The subject of the sentence, Midwest Metal [Products], is singular; that is, even though it has an “s” at the end of the word it refers to one company (it’s their products that are plural, not the company).

Idioms

For instance, a specific metal product that has to be in a form Midwest Metals cannot come up with, can be created by an affiliate business …

The Problem: the meaning implied by come up with can be inferred, but there are better phrases that could be used here.  For example, “…Midwest Metals cannot fabricate, can…”

Pronoun Use: An organization isn’t a person

If they could create relations through different companies, local and national, they would be able to spread word of mouth about their product more quickly.

The Problem: The pronouns they and there are used to refer to many people.  The subject of this sentence is one organization, Midwest Metal Products.  You should use the name of the company or reference the company using a singular pronoun.  For example, “If the company could create relationships with other companies, both local and national, it would be able to spread information about its products more quickly.”  Alternatively, you could refer to the management team using a plural pronoun.  For example, “If the management team for Midwest Metal Crafters could create relationships with other companies, both local and national, they would be able to…” 

Acronym Definition

The goal of this analysis is to determine how Midwest Metal Company can successfully differentiate itself.  … To start we will identify MMC’s strengths.

The problem: the use of MMC is acceptable; however, only if you define it somewhere in the document.  The appropriate way to do this is to use the acronym after the first use of the full name of the company.  For example, “The goal of this analysis is to determine how Midwest Metal Company (MMC) can successfully differentiate itself.  … To start, we will identify MMC’s strengths.

”

Misc.

… is quite lucrative and should pose well for market penetration given the correct amount of forethought. 

The Problem:  This is an awkward sentence because of the misuse of some of the words.  An alternative would be …”… is quite lucrative and should position the company for significant market penetration, assuming the company engages in thorough research and planning.“

The Internet

There are a few firms that sell customizable metal products on the internet. 

The Problem: There is only one!  Therefore, use the definitive article “the” and capitalize the word Internet.  If you follow politics, you may recall the incident when President Bush talked about the Internets.  Of course, he was widely chided for this misuse of the term; perhaps this is why he is misunderestimated…